The Invasion of the Poorly Written Lecture and the Ever Foolish Audience Who Did Not Understand it for Quite Frankly the Same Reasons They Have......

[continuation of title] Never Understood Blatantly Obvious Head Bashing

The Invasion is an OK movie that does a whole lot of OK things. I guess. What I liked about the movie was that Daniel Craig was in it. He is yummy eye-candy and if the gods ever sent down perfection he is it. Who else can look like a cave-man and be sexy as hell? I know of no one.

What I did not like was Nicole Kidman. I never really have. But this movie called for bad actors. The actors had to be bad because they were meant to act like humans. Who are really bad company by the way.

Nicole Kidman has a history of surrounding herself with bad actors so she looks good. Her kid is one of the worst child-actors ever which means only that he has a bright future as an adult actor and can perhaps die of a drug overdose one day while he waits in his hotel room for a prostitute posing as an unregistered massage therapist. I digress.

The good thing about Nicole Kidman is that she has to pretend to be possessed so the fungus or spores or space goo, whatever it is, doesn't recognize she needs to be spit all over—that's how its transferred. Anyway, when she has to pretend this its like they told her to just act as she did in all her previous movies and even I bought it!

This space spore species thingamabobber shows up and decides it will make humans more peaceful. After taking over the world via spit even our famous friend North Korea Kim is happy to sign a peace accord.

But we fight to remain human! To bear arms, basically, and to wage more wars. For better or worse our heroine wants humans to remain humans and thus we sacrifice peace to be ourselves. All those peace agreements can go in the garbage because we want the good guys to win.

This movie confirms my suspicions. Someone is losing a war. I feel that war after most recent Follywoodland movies. If we were peaceful we would basically be peaceful quite simply because alein spores came and infected us and made us change eachother while somehow remaining the same yet peaceful and nothing more. 

It was the good old Senator vs Communism [euphemism for non-whites and people who were in direct contact with the non-whites] all over again. I got lost as to who the commies were though. Tragic, I know.

Luckily, the terrible writing called for monologue smashing. In case you missed a not-so-subtle point one of the main characters stepped up to the plate and described the message they were trying to get across. And do you think people still learned anything?

Doubt it. Many sat there entertained as they have before and will remain in future message bashing scenarios. Thanks for making me feel like just some other dumb member of the mass-produced mass-raised mass-media mongrels. Did that make sense? I don't even care after that movie. Nobody will get what I'm saying anyway so go for it and watch the movie.

Where's my hammer?

P.S. Get Over Me Already or P.S. 10 Things I Hate About You

I ended up seeing a chick-flick with my girlfriend the other night. We were in a rush to get the IMAX I Am Legend but quite sadly did not make it in time. Instead, we watched P.S. I Love You. Now, I have quite a few things to say about this damn movie so bear with me.

First of all, the casting is excellent. I said it. Gerard Butler is one of my favorite ruggedly handsome men out there and I like seeing him be romantic. Harry Connick Jr. is one of my all time favorite people to look at and remains so today and forever more.

Secondly, the characters are well-written and entertaining. The man with the social disability has excellent lines and reminds you that life goes on. The mother of the bride is excellent and reminds you that life sucks sometimes but that you have to deal with it.

Thirdly, the story is never boring. You don't get to take a nap or go to the bathroom or get some popcorn. The story just rolls and rolls. It begins with some nice fighting then some love making then some death then some wake then a whole lot of not dealing with life. Representative of real life on that last part. I had absolutely zero time to turn from the screen.

Fourthly, blasted Ireland. I hate Ireland as much as Joyce did.

Fifthly, excellent chick-flick lines. These always get to me. When a guy in a movie has a really excellent line that you never would have thought of in a million years and he drops it at the right time it means that you will never be able to use that line that you would have never thought of because odds are the girl you are going to use it on has seen the movie. This movie has quite a few of those cursedly-great lines.

Sixthly, a worldly-looking Gina Gershon. No kidding, she actually looks like a person and not like a Barbie doll. I hate when women are actually beautiful instead of painted and thin. Gina Gershon looks like she's eaten in the last few months. I hate when people look like people in movies.

Seventhly, Lisa Kudrow not being a ditz. I liked Friends. Who gave her a brain?

Eighthly, the letters from the dead husband aren't intended to torture his wife. They are meant to make her stop tormenting herself because he knows she won't do it on her own. I wish they were meant to torture her but they aren't.

Ninthly, Kathy Bates is a woman and not a monster. What the hell is that all about? A very likable person who has her human faults. Bah, whatever happened to the good old leg bashing days?

Tenthly, I do not hate this movie at all. I kind of hate myself for liking it so much. Go see it.

Love in the Time of Monsters

I'm a sucker for a well-told story. Cloverfield is just such a story. Since its release, or even long before its release I suppose, it has come under fire. One of the most heard quotes from people is: “I've heard the camera makes you sick” which is usually followed by “that's why I'm not going to see it.”

What a joke. People actually do this though. Which saddens me. This is a great love story. That's exactly what it is and nothing more.

The monster is not the focal point of the story so why should we be given all sorts of explanations about its origin and its nature? It looks like a rat. It looks like a lizard. It looks like a monster from that game Rampage.

Who really cares?

The focus of the movie is love. The movie is centred on two characters, a boy and a girl. There is great tragedy in this story and as cliché as it may get at points the love and its relationship are very real to us.

The tragedy is that two people who love each other will not admit it. This is a tragedy of the commons for our time. The easiest way to take people's minds off the love story is to throw a monster into the equation. In fact, throw a monster into the equation who shows up and pimp smacks Lady Liberty for no good god-damned reason. That will really take your attention away from the idea of love.

Our base human emotions drive this movie to its climax and most won't even notice this as we are too distracted by the monster and the tiny animals that fall off it (which are quite freaky looking).

The movie is interlaced with scenes of a day in a theme park, scenes that weren't recorded over because the camera was momentarily turned off. The day just happens to be a day from when the characters were together and were in love.

Now these characters aren't together but are in love. Oh drama. This is still a beautiful narrative technique. Its subtle, perhaps annoying, a little bit cheesy, but it gets the job done. And a job well done the movie turns out to be.

The final moments of this love story are captured on film for us and as Shakespearean love stories go, everyone dies. We should feel a sense of satisfaction at the end though, by this time in the viewing experience we should understand that the words “I love you” have never had so much meaning before.

The alien is ugly. The story is beautiful. But don't see it if you're just going to complain. Oh, I almost forgot, do enjoy the line “I'm so scared right now”, where have we heard that before?

"War is in your blood"

This is perhaps one of the finest anti-war movies today. I had the pleasure of sitting beside a crazy old man who loved the character of John Rambo more than I do. The character was arguably dated to post-Vietnam War era and nothing else.

But, War, like all other follies of mankind, is a universal. We have the same game being played as we always have, we just have new rules, new players, new playing grounds, etc. Nothing has really changed since WW2, the extension of the Empires, the Trojan War. We like to think the fights are different and that we're the good guys.

One thing that remains true throughout all these wars is that war is ugly. People are too willing to celebrate the grotesque action associated with fighting. This movie teaches you not to. At least it would if people weren't so bloody dumb.

In case you didn't know, when a rifle which can pierce armored vehicles is fired at you and it hits you in the chest—you die. You die a horrible death. The camera doesn't flinch at the violence and the special effects are only unbelievable a few times.

People who think war is cool will watch this and feel like their balls have grown and they walk about with their erections talking about how cool Rambo is. People who understand the terrible possibilities of man will walk away knowing that even Sylvester Stallone is capable of such understandings, they will be confused that other people are not.

But that's life.

Rambo is a man apart. He is at war with himself because he doesn't have a place. We raise people to be like this then we turn our backs to them when we're done with them. Vietnam war vets performed their duty and came back to protests instead of parades. I'm not arguing we celebrate their violence, merely that we could at least acknowledge the sacrifice we asked them to commit.

Rambo is war. Boil all the details out of war and he is what you have left. In this movie he comes to terms with this but his only place in society remains war-zones. This time he is sent to rescue the readily available idiots referred to in the movie as god-squatters. Rambo remains to have the honor and loyalty a perfect warrior would have but these can only be appreciated through outward manifestations of his inner turmoil.

In other words, Rambo's only purpose is killing, whether for his country or himself, and it is only reasonable to assume that Rambo or characters like him should exist. We remain animals and stronger animals are necessary to protect us from our follies.

This if addressed to the people who thought the movie was cool: This is not cool. We are not cool. Rambo is not cool. But just walk around with your erections and enlarged testicles, nobody expected less and so we're not disappointed.

Any time is a good time to watch this movie because we're always waging war. Just don't hang around the people I've sent that message to.

The first Rambo movies didn't stop wars because we like war too much. This one probably won't change anything. But its a nice gesture.

What the hell for?

I watch way too many movies and have been in part or whole raised by television. This blog is a type of therapy so I guess I don't really care if anyone reads it. Its for me.

I want to splat out all my thoughts about a movie and decide whether or not it was worth watching. I take all sorts of things into account so reader beware.

I will discuss what was great and what was bad about a movie. I will compare it. I will then conclude with a recommendation either not to see it or to see it. And should I tell you to watch it I will tell when the best time to watch it is.

You can even tell me what to watch.

The main reason for this blog is that our society is so far beyond hope that people don't even know who Shakespeare is. Our question for the future is not one of existence and being and philosophy - it is one of how to idly waste that existence, if one would dare to term it as such.

This blog is to help you waste your potential as a human being. So, get a nice cup of tea or coffee or beer or water, and come in, have a seat, make yourself comfortable.

Let us go then, You and I...