AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

The Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) is a wonder to behold. It is at once science fiction, conspiracy, paranoia and Leonard Nimoy.

The movie recreates the good old days when Senators stood for America(!) and black-listed commies went to France where they belonged! The gist of the story is as follows: Alien spores come from many planets away and they pet human beings with fuzzy appendages and then they build replicas of them and then spit them out of a spore that looks like a flower and a vagina and then the replica is covered in fur and wakes up fully developed when the original is sleeping. Then the body disappears somehow, magic spore business that is all quite secretive, and the replicas take over and are shown one at a time throwing away the fur.

That's a lot of fur you say? It sure as heck is. And we watch it almost every single time for every single person changed. The movie is almost 2 hours running time and moves at a sauntering pace watching garbage trucks. In all honesty, the garbage company must have paid a lot of money toward the production of this film.

No matter what Donald Sutherland does to save the planet and the people he deems worthy of saving, all attempts are stopped by the replicated humans who spend a lot of time walking in rows or staring at the wall. He behaves questionably by only destroying his replica instead of his friends, hmmm, bastard. Every help-line you dial tells you to keep your mouth shut in very polite ways and eventually everyone knows exactly who you are when you call...you know why?

Because you are one of the only normal people left so it has to be you! Which means what? That's right, all your worst paranoid nightmares are true, they are out to get you! They are coming for you! They will make you one of them and then your individuality, which you probably hold so dearly and sacredly, will be no more! The commies are coming and they will change you for bad!

Oh, wait, I got that last part wrong. If Wisconsinian[?] McCarthy and his totalitarian regime and its movement for the purification Amerikkka by paranoid undereducated retards whose thick accents are the result of booze and inbreeding were granted uncontested control, they would be the blasted spores! I can just picture McCarthy's booze-riddled face and rat's-nest of a head staring at the girl at the end of the movie and screaming AWWWWW!

That's what they do when they notice you aren't an alien, they scream. Its all pretty awesome. Fortunately, the casting director was intelligent enough to get Leonard Nimoy to play a role in the movie. Unfortunately, the great man from Star Trek, the old and new Outer Limits, and the rocksome [an elegant mixture of rockin' and awesome] Transformers, that's right, Galvitron himself, doesn't get to scream once in the whole movie. But he's damn weird enough for you to note right away that something ain't right about him. And this time its not his ears.

Jeff Goldblum shows up but he doesn't transform into a fly. A little let down there. But its like the director said, look Jeff, you know how you can't act but want to and its really frustrating. And he looked at the director and said I don't know what you're talking about. And the director said Perfect, just act that way toward Leonard Nimoy when your lines come. And Jeff looked confused and the camera started rolling right away. Brilliant.

This movie is great on so many levels but its basic substance is paranoia. This movie will be wonderful to watch until we are no longer paranoid in which case we can get rid of the movie in which case we won't be human anymore in which case the spores got the best of us and we will need to kick ass and chew bubble gum and we'll hopefully be all outta bubble gum.

Those alien bastards.